From: Paul Duncan <pabs@pablotron.org>
To: investigations@netauthority.org
Subject: Re: Notification of Internet Violations
X-Info: http://www.pablotron.org/

* Net Authority Investigations (investigations@netauthority.org) wrote:
> Dear Paul Duncan,
>
> It has recently been brought to our attention that you are, or have
> been, in violation of the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage
> Guidelines. It has been reported that you both distribute and view
> offensive materials over the Internet.
> 
> Net Authority has investigated these claims by checking your webpage
> at http://pablotron.org and verified that they are true.
> 
> As a result, your personal information has been added to one or more
> Net Authority Internet offender databases. Your information will be
> stored in the databases until enough evidence has been gathered
> against you to warrant further actions. To help avoid such a
> situation, it is strongly recommended that you cease your immoral
> actions on the Internet at once.
> 
> You have been added to the following databases:
> - Hate Literature Offenders
> - Pornography Offenders
> - Bestiality Offenders
> - Homosexual Pornography Offenders
> - Interracial Pornography Offenders
> - General Blasphemy Offenders
> 
> If you would like more information about Net Authority or the Net
> Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines, you may read the
> details at http://www.netauthority.org/. It is imperative that you
> fully understand the guidelines if you wish to avoid further
> prosecution.
> 
> May God be with you as you struggle to overcome these evil impulses.
> You will be in our prayers at night.
> 
> God speed,

Hello "Net Authority Investigations",

Attempting to impose your superficial morals on unsuspecting web-page
authors is questionable at best, but doing so while masquerading as an
organization with some sort of sanctioned Internet authority is just
plain wrong.  That said, the only action I will take regarding the
egregious claims your organization has made about my personal web page
is to write the following response:

* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
g                                               g
o /     \             \            /    \       o
a|       |             \          |      |      a
t|       `.             |         |       :     t
s`        |             |        \|       |     s
e \       | /       /  \\\   --__ \\       :    e
x  \      \/   _--~~          ~--__| \     |    x
*   \      \_-~                    ~-_\    |    *
g    \_     \        _.--------.______\|   |    g
o      \     \______// _ ___ _ (_(__>  \   |    o
a       \   .  C ___)  ______ (_(____>  |  /    a
t       /\ |   C ____)/      \ (_____>  |_/     t
s      / /\|   C_____)       |  (___>   /  \    s
e     |   (   _C_____)\______/  // _/ /     \   e
x     |    \  |__   \\_________// (__/       |  x
*    | \    \____)   `----   --'             |  *
g    |  \_          ___\       /_          _/ | g
o   |              /    |     |  \            | o
a   |             |    /       \  \           | a
t   |          / /    |         |  \           |t
s   |         / /      \__/\___/    |          |s
e  |         / /        |    |       |         |e
x  |          |         |    |       |         |x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *

Have a nice day.

PS. Welcome to my spam filter. :)
PPS. I've taken the liberty of forwarding your message and my response to
several of my friends so they can laugh at you as well.

> Net Authority Investigations Department
> investigations@netauthority.org http://www.netauthority.org/

-- 
Paul Duncan <pabs@pablotron.org>        pabs on #e (OPN IRC)
http://www.pablotron.org/               OpenPGP Key ID: 0x82C29562